i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
