i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
