Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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