im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
