You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
