I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I faked an abortion last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
