Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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