We got so high we made milksteak
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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