I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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