Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
