I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
