Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
