how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
