The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
