The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
