she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
