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The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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