The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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