At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
