i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
