tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
