how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
