I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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