i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
