yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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