I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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