Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
