I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
