I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
