he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dignity is for republicans.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
