Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
