wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
