Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
