my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
