I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
