You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
