now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
