awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
