genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
