We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
