i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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