you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
