dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
