Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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