I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i want to swaddle you in tequila
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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