I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
