oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
