how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
