so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
