So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
