I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
