Cold hands, warm shart.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
